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[Tom Johns]

I just want to get this started by sharing a little about myself... 
First off, just a bit of a warning, I have ADHD/OCDD. I may go off track on some of these posts and then I will go in and edit them occasionally. Just wanted to let you know so that you won't think I am just a total brainwreck LOL.
I grew up with ADHD/OCD, but back in the 70s and 80s it didn't seem to be much of a thing, I was just considered a misbehaved child. I really struggled to pay attention or concentrate and was often very disruptive and inattentive pretty much everywhere I was at; home, school and church. I was a pretty smart kid if you could keep my attention for more than ten seconds but that was a difficult task at best. I did not even know I had ADHD until well into my 40s, I just thought that was how everybody was, I thought that was normal.
I did get officially "Diagnosed" a few years ago. My doctor had me try a few medications but after not much change, except one that made me a zombie, I just decided to deal with it just like I have my entire life.
Now that we got that out of the way, here we go.

Alright, so I was raised in a Christian home where both of my parents were believers. Have you ever heard Bryan Duncan's song "Mr. Bailey's Daughter"? There is a part in there that goes; "I was born on Saturday and in church on Sunday"... well, that was me. My mother's side of the family were Pentecostal/Charismatics and they were very faithful and loyal church goers. My dad was not from a Christian family. He had a crazy upbringing but that is for another post... I pretty much went to church as far back as I can remember.

We went to a few different churches in my childhood but they were all of the Pentecostal/Charismatics denomination so that is all I knew. I can still remember hearing the speaking in "tongues" and all of the "Thus sayeth the Lords...". I remember seeing people being "slain" in the Spirit and people convulsing. I also remember hearing "Jesus can come at any time so you better be ready!" every time there was an earthquake or some kind of global catastrophe. To be honest, my childhood was sort of terrifying.

Now, my mother was the spiritual one in the family. My dad worked full-time and we didn't see him much after he got home. He would wash up, eat dinner and then disappear into his basement, which was his workshop, until bedtime. He was one of the smartest people I have ever personally known but he was impatient and a little abusive, both verbally and physically.

I can still remember hearing my mom praying with one of her close friends on the phone. In fact, I still remember when they would be praying and my mom would bring up my name and it always got my attention. She would also tell us how we need to be right with God and how important it was to be in church, even after I got married and moved out. When I was in my late teens, I didn't want to go to church anymore and my mom told me that it was my choice and that I didn't have to go but, it was followed by a load of guilt. However, the only thing I heard was "you don't have to go." I stopped going most of the time but my close friend, at the time, would call and talk me into going so he wouldn't be so bored... lol In fact, it was through him that I met my wife, they are cousins. I met her when I was 16. She and her family lived about six or so hours away so we never really hooked up until 1983 when they moved to our town and then I moved in on her like a vulture on a carcass. Shhh, don't tell her I said that haha. We started dating in high school and then less than a year after graduation, we got married. No, we didn't have any kids on the way, just young and dumb.

For the first few years of our marriage, we would occasionally attend church but not very faithfully. We realized the need to attend church but it wouldn't last more than a couple Sundays. We had two kids by then and we both worked. We were having marriage problems and by the grace of God, we held on but not without a lot of damage. We were both very selfish and we fought a lot. I truly thank our God and father that He not only brought us together, He kept us together!

Anyway, I knew who God was but I didn't know Him. I knew that I needed to go to church but it was easier to not go, it was a huge struggle for me. I had this yo-yo type faith I guess. I would seek God when things were going bad or when I felt down but never really gave Him my life. Just wanted Him to take my problems. I went through this for years!

Then, in my mid twenties, I was at work and I really don't remember what lead up to it, if anything, but I felt a calling or yearning for God. I drove a front-end loader for a veneer mill where I worked so I wasn't around anyone and I just broke down and wept. Not sure why. I have always been a man's man. I had a lot of pride and well, men do not cry... they just don't. Later I called my wife on my break and told her, we need to start going back to church. She was all for it. So we went back to the same church we attended when I was a teenager. My parents were no longer attending there but my younger brother was and had been faithfully since before I quit going. He was the assistant pastor and even preached once in a while. It was a really small church and had a different pastor than when I went before. He was an Indian and his wife sang at our wedding. We obviously knew them but not as pastors. Well, he had no theological or Biblical education or training as far as that goes. I am not sure how he ended up as pastor but he was. The church was part of the CEA (Cristian Evangelical Association) and I am not sure what their criteria was.

We began attending faithfully and I was so hungry to know God. Even though I was ADHD and I struggled with reading, I would read my Bible and I read it a lot. I think I read it twice in one year! However, I would get discouraged because I couldn't remember much. Every time I read it, I felt like I was reading it for the first time... it was disheartening. I also read a few Christian books. I would read up to twenty chapters or so in the Bible in a single day. I really wanted to know God!

Then somehow, our pastor met an evangelist from Idaho, I think, and he, his family and some others came to our church and they would hold a "Revival". They came and preached at our church occasionally and sometimes would bring different people with them with different "ministries". One Sunday an associate of that evangelist preached, or taught at our service. He was a teacher and he brought out some pretty deep stuff. Back then, I couldn't tell you if it was true or what but I remember thinking "I want to know God like that". Then, something weird happened. As I was listening to him teach, I started thinking, "how do I know what this guy is teaching is true?" I didn't understand some of it and I wanted to know how he got some of this out of what he was reading from Scripture. It sounded good but was it truth. At that point I started to shut out all preachers, teachers, etc... I wanted to know God but not through others. I wanted to truly know the true God and I was determined. I quit listening to preachers/teachers on the radio or TV. I wanted to know how to study my Bible.

I searched for some books or something to help me study the Bible. Now, I know without a doubt, fully convinced that this was God... I went to the Christian book store and found Kay Arthur's Precept Ministries "How to Study Your Bible Inductively" and it would change my life forever. It didn't tell you what to believe, it taught you how to find out for yourself. It was a course on how to study the Bible and was developed using a college course for Journalism. It's amazing! As I began to study my Bible, I found myself questioning a lot of what I was taught growing up and what was being taught in our church. I went through a major faith crisis and we ended up leaving this church.

We began looking for a new church to attend. We went to another Pentecostal church as I wasn't quite sure what I truly believed yet. We went there for a while and I even started playing drums for the worship team. I was continuously studying my Bible and finding more and more that what I was taught and what I was being taught, was not Biblical. We ended up leaving. I was struggling and started feeling overwhelmed. I no longer knew what I believed. I felt like everything I ever believed was pulled out from under me and I didn't know what to do. I ended up falling away from God. I stopped going to church, stopped reading my Bible, stopped praying. I struggled with sin, cussed like a logger, was bitter, angry, critical, complained, I was lost.

Then, after about fifteen years I began to yearn for God again. I never stopped believing in Him, I just wasn't living for Him. It was the Spring of 2020 and we were in the middle of the Covid pandemic. There was a lot of chaos going on in the world and I just started realizing that Jesus is coming back and we could be near the end. I now realize that we should be thinking that way every day, but I started seeking after God, only this time was different. I didn't trust anyone and I wasn't even sure where to start going to church. I just remember praying and asking God to help us find a church. I knew that if we didn't, we would just fall away again and I was really feeling down. Well, our God is faithful! He led us to a church and I am convinced, this is where He wants us! God has been revealing Himself to me in His Word and my life has changed tremendously. For the first time, I have ASSURANCE! I no longer feel like a yo-yo, I feel strong in my faith and I actually know what faith is and Who it's in! God is Awesomazing!

To Be Continued...

[CatieladyB]

I really like that you are sharing this with us, we all have our flaws and God uses them in His own way to draw us to Him. Will be looking forword to hearing more of your story!   

[dhenning3]

Very interesting journey so far. Will be looking for part 2!

[rickyz]

 

[Tom Johns]

Hey all, I did some editing to this as I see my ADHDness had made it a little messy... lol

[CatieladyB]

I didn't notice any mess, I thought it was very forth coming and honest, waiting to hear more!